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<table border="0" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1" width="100%" class="forumline"> <tr> <th class="thCornerL" width="22%" height="26">Author</th> <th class="thCornerR">Message</th> </tr> <tr> <td width="22%" align="left" valign="top" class="row1"><span class="name"><a name=""></a><b>clkelyqld2</b></span></td> <td class="row1" height="28" valign="top"><table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"> <tr> <td width="100%"><img src="http://picsrv.fora.pl/subSilver/images/icon_minipost.gif" width="12" height="9" alt="Post" title="Post" border="0" /><span class="postdetails">Posted: Thu 15:23, 29 Aug 2013<span class="gen"> </span> Post subject: hollister pas cher Repairing Relationships-Part II</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><hr /></td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan="2"><span class="postbody">Repairing Relationships-Part III <br /> In my capacity as an outpatient psychologist for twenty-five <br /> <a href="http://www.getconversational.com" target="_blank" class="postlink">hollister pas cher</a> years, I deal with the same eight conditions over and over. <br /> One of the most common complaints I hear about is relationships. <br /> (The other seven are mood problems, children's behaviors, ADHD or <br /> learning disorders, anxiety, low self-esteem, poor assertiveness <br /> and addictions). This is Part III of a five part <a href="http://www.msc-sahc.org/moncler.asp" target="_blank" class="postlink">www.msc-sahc.org/moncler.asp</a> series of articles <br /> that describe the five <a href="http://www.decerner.com" target="_blank" class="postlink">hollister uk</a> most essential elements of keeping longer-term relationships alive. (It so happens that these same techniques <a href="http://www.vivid-host.com/barbour.htm" target="_blank" class="postlink">barbour uk outlet</a> work <br /> in all relationships.) Please read Parts I and II before reading <br /> this article. <br /> The first two techniques for maintaining and enriching <br /> relationships are Structured Communication and the Four-to-One <br /> Rule. In this article, I'd like to address one thing that kills <br /> relationships, expressed in The Seven Deadly Words or Phrases. <br /> The Seven Deadly Words or Phrases are: "Always," "Never," <br /> "You should," "You must," "You ought to," "You have to," or <br /> "You need to." <br /> The first two, "Always" and "Never" are either situational <br /> or moral absolutes. In real life, there are few if any things <br /> that occur always or never. The world is not built that way. <br /> The world is gray, not black and white. While there are <br /> circumstances that are very dark or light, it is rare that <br /> something is absolutely at the extreme. One can argue some <br /> particulars, such as 1 + 1 always equals 2. Good. Death and <br /> taxes are the only predictable events in the life of a human. <br /> (The latter is not necessarily the case...). The sun always <br /> comes up in the east. True, for now, but in 500 million years, <br /> the sun may be non-existent, so then what? You know I'm not <br /> talking about this kind of phenomena. <br /> I'm talking about human behavior, which is not this way. <br /> We are not linear, straight, right-angled beings. We are not <br /> mathematical equations, nor astronomical events. We are <br /> subjective, emotional, irrational, curvilinear and wiggly. <br /> Get used to it. Stop trying to squeeze people into absolute, <br /> controllable, predictable blocks. This goes for behaviors <br /> inside our heads as well as outside. <br /> When talking about behavior, especially your partner's, <br /> drop the words always and never from your vocabulary. Instead, <br /> use words like, <a href="http://www.rtnagel.com/louboutin.php" target="_blank" class="postlink">louboutin</a> "it seems like" or "often," or "sometimes," or <br /> "perhaps you feel..." These words and phrases more accurately <br /> express subjective reality. 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This feels bad, no matter what age or situation. If you <br /> want something from your partner, try asking assertively, but leaving <br /> room for that person to respond with equal status and personal power. <br /> "Absolutisms" and judgments hurt. 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